Why do you Love Jesus?
This is a question that has nagged me off and on for years as a Fundamentalist Christian. It is a question that I still have today, and I am not satisfied with the answer. Let me share it with you.
Many Fundamentalists share the cliché “I am not religious, I just love the Lord”, or something very similar. I know, I used to have a pin clipped to my hat that said that very thing, and I wore it for years. Before my day at work, I used to tell Jesus that I loved him, that he was the world to me, thanked him for dying for me and that I would be forever grateful. I told Jesus that I loved him non-stop on my bike ride to work, as I prayed for the strength of the Holy Spirit to help me witness to my unbelieving friends. Another popular cliché emerging at the time was “Jesus is not about religion, He is about relationship”. I took that to heart and strove to have a relationship with my Savior. I prayed “without ceasing”, which was not that hard to do since I lived alone at the time. I played worship music cassettes and sang along, hoping to honor Jesus. Of course, loving Jesus was difficult sometimes, because it always felt like a one-way relationship. I did all the conversing, and had to listen for God in that elusive “still, small voice”. Yes, that voice could have really been my own, but I took it on faith that God was communicating to me through his Word and through daily testings and trials, so I left it at that and accepted it. I was as sincere, believing, diligent, obedient and faithful as a Christian could be.
But something still bugged me. Why did I love Jesus? I would sometimes ask myself. The answer troubled me, so I tucked it away and forgot about it, but it eventually snuck back to haunt my thoughts. Through apologetic studies, I trained myself to answer why I believed in Jesus, but I never heard a single message on why I should love Jesus.
The Psalms are filled with songs of love and devotion to God. I am commanded to love the “Lord thy God” with various combinations of my heart, soul, mind and strength (Deut 10:12, Matt 22:37, Mark 12:30, Luke 10:27) as the greatest commandment. To Love the Lord and love my neighbor as myself was interpreted as encapsulating the entire Law into two commands! (Luke 10:26). That is an incredible statement by Jesus! God takes love, and in particular my love towards him, very seriously. So my intentions for love had better be correct. Paul spends the better part of 1 Corintians 13 telling us that without charity (agape) our works before God are pretty much useless.
So, just like I cannot believe in just any old Jesus like the Mormons do, but the real Jesus as proclaimed in the Gospels, so too I must love Jesus with whole and sincere love (agape). I must love Jesus more than anybody, because he is worthy. As Pastor Skip Heitzig used to tell us, “He does not want to be number 1 on a list of 10. He wants to be number 1 on a list of 1. Because if you really love Jesus, is there really much room for anything else?”
Why do I love Jesus? I have grappled with that question for years. The answer is because he died for me, and because he saved my soul from eternal death. And that, I believed, was the correct theological answer. But is that pure love? Is it sincere agape that will be acceptable to God? I love my wife more than any human on this world. I would gladly give my life for her – as many of you would do for your own spouse, I am sure. Why do I love my wife? Not for repayment for anything that she has done to me, I love her because of who she is. I love her simply because she is my wife. Why do I love my mother? Same thing. I love her, not because there is anything in it for me, but because of who she is. I am not a poet, so this is difficult for me to convey, but just imagine the love that you have for your wife, your husband, your mother or children. Ask yourself why you love them. Is it conditional? Is it because they merited your favor? Is it because they earned your love? I had a terrible dad growing up. He was an abusive, violent drunk. He has done nothing in this life to earn my love. If anything, I could be justified in this world to hate him. But all these years later, I love him. I love him for some inexplicable reason – I love him, not because of anything he has done, or anything that I could possibly get out of it, but simply because of who he is.
In contrast, what do you call loving somebody because they have done something for you? Conditional, insincere love. Passing love. Surely not the agape which Paul told us about. I am to love Jesus more than all – and my reason for loving him was conditional. I love him for dying for me, and saving me from eternal death. Do I love him because he has done that, or for virtue of who he is? Try a thought experiment. What if Jesus had not died on the cross. What if he gave us the Sermon on the Mount and other ethical laws from God, demanded that we love him, and ascended into heaven? What if we did not have the threat of hell to be saved from? Jesus would still be the same God as presented in our Gospels. Would we love him? Would we still love him if there was nothing in it for us?
What if Jesus commanded that we love God, but did it with no promise of heaven, and no threat of hell. What if Jesus just left it ambiguous as to what lay in the afterlife? Would we love him? I suspect not. I truly think that the only reason any of us claims they love Jesus is, not by simple virtue of his greatness and who he is, but because there is something in it for us. Or to be more cynical, we love Jesus because he is fire insurance. Why else would he command us to love him? When was the last time your wife, your father or mother, your children, anybody commanded you to love them? If we are loving God because he commanded us to do it, how in the world can that love be sincere?
As a Fundamentalist, these thoughts troubled me greatly for years because it is central to our faith but I could never overcome it. What are your thoughts?
March 16th, 2007 at 8:19 am
Great post, HeIsSailing. I have wondered about a similar thing. I think “fire insurance” is one of the main reasons Jesus is loved. The thing is, it is hard to love something/someone on command. If it is a true feeling, then it will happen whether we are commanded to or not, right? It doesn’t seem like something you should be able to force. I’m right there with you on this one, and I actually posted something semi-related to this on my “random thoughts” blog a couple days ago. Have a good day
March 16th, 2007 at 9:29 am
**The thing is, it is hard to love something/someone on command. ** That thought has always been a great source of confusion to me in terms of ‘free will.’ God didn’t want puppets, so He gave us free will so we could choose to love him. But my thing was that no one decides one day to love their spouse, or their children. In terms of the spouse, you realize one day that you love the person, but it was never an active choice.
**“He does not want to be number 1 on a list of 10. He wants to be number 1 on a list of 1. Because if you really love Jesus, is there really much room for anything else?” ** But doesn’t that kind of contradict Jesus saying that the two greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart/soul/mind, and love your neighbor as yourself? Because there does have to be room on that list for loving other people, *especially* since we are to know who Jesus’s disicples are based on the amount of love they show for other people.
**Why do I love Jesus? I have grappled with that question for years. The answer is because he died for me, and because he saved my soul from eternal death.** It’s interesting that the response to this, in general, is never “Jesus lived for me.” Because yes, Jesus was cruicified, which was a horrible death. BUt that’s not the end of the story. The end of the story is that God resurrected him, and Jesus ascended — as in, God had the last word, and the last word is life, not death. After all, Paul says you know you are saved when you believe in your heart that Jesus resurrected, and publicly confess that Jesus is Lord. It was more important to believe in the resurrection then focus on the death.
**What if Jesus commanded that we love God, but did it with no promise of heaven, and no threat of hell. What if Jesus just left it ambiguous as to what lay in the afterlife? ** Well … I actually do find the means of afterlife ambiguous based on the Bible. There are two main sources of hell: Sheol/Hades, which was translated as pit, grave, death. And Gehenna, which was based on the Valley of Hinnom, where child sacrifices took place. The fire literally never went out there because it was constantly burning trash, and a certain kind of worm lived there that feasted on the trash. So Jesus seems to be using an allegory, and what’s most interesting is that he uses that allegory against the Pharisees. They were following the 613 laws from Moses, of which a lot focused on purity. And here Jesus was, saying they’d end up with the garbage.
March 16th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Heather, that’s an excellent response. I’ve very little to add except that Heissailing is questioning himself and focusing mostly on himself for the answer. We need to take a step back and appreciate who Jesus is. We are alive because of Him. Everything we are given to enjoy is because of Him. We are able to love our wives because of Him. Etc.
The more we focus on ourselves, the more corrupted and confused we become. The more we focus on Him, the more we become like Him. That is the goal. When you walk the walk (and not just talk the talk) with that mindset, you will love Jesus because His love is in you. (Rom 8:38-39)
March 16th, 2007 at 10:46 am
HeisSailing, this is a great question to raise and one worth the thought. I personally gave up on loving God because of ‘fire insurnace’ a long time ago. Oddly enough, I was thinking about this exact thing last night (while talking to my wife).
I love God because I find nothing wrong in the concept of love. I don’t find it hard to love my wife, my family, and others around me - but for me the question has been ‘why is this so?’.
I once had an experience that I cannot quite explain back in 94 (early in my faith walk - I was 19) - where I was praying to know ‘love’ (or God’s love - what does it mean?). I cannot explain what happened that day (in words anyways) but my persepctive was forever altered. It’s a real odd thing when you learn compassion for the human condition in a manner of seconds - when it never existed before within you.
Prior to this I had read the ‘commands’ and this talk of love - but I was quite an un-loving person in the core of my being (actually very selfish and held back). The love one expects from family and community I never got from birth on - which is a weird thing to have happen - but a lot of this is absolutely true. I had a father that literally ‘hated’ me (and also was a drunk) and a mother that abandoned me at 10. I have a big family but they all deserted me and my younger brother also - needless to say - the experiences make one a ‘dark person’.
For me that experience ’so many years ago now’ has changed my perspective on life 100% - I now love because I can. I guess if I had to answer why I love God it is because God loved me prior to me loving Him. Also the idea of love was quite foreign to me for such a long time in my life that when I found it - I knew I would rather die for that than what I knew previous. Plus the teachings of Jesus have never let me down a single iota from when I started building my paradigm from them. How could I not love something helped me do a 180 from a life with-out hope to one with a lot of it - I guess for me this is a very little one. Isn’t there a teaching in the gospels about this exact thing (about the measure of one’s love in return).
My personal 2 cents.
March 16th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Jim Jones,
**I’ve very little to add except that Heissailing is questioning himself and focusing mostly on himself for the answer.** But … who else can he focus on if he’s asking why he loves Jesus? He’s questioning his motivation of loving Jesus, and what the motivation of most people is. Do we love Jesus simply because, or because we see Jesus as a ‘get out of hell free’ card? Bringing the focus back to Jesus isn’t going to answer if his love for Jesus is “pure.”
Societyvs,
**I guess if I had to answer why I love God it is because God loved me prior to me loving Him.**
Yes. I forget the exact verse, but, “We love Him, because He first loved us.” To me, that says that He showed us what love was, how it’s expressed, and what love is. That, and I think we’re designed to love God. If God is love, and we’re made in God’s image and likeness, then part of that image is love.
**It’s a real odd thing when you learn compassion for the human condition in a manner of seconds - when it never existed before within you** It’s almost like everything you were before was just a dream, and what you are now is what you were always supposed to be.
March 16th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Heather and HeisSailing - I was thinking more along this scripture:
“For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” (Luke 7:47)
I had a lot to lose but I gained as much and more back - this is why I love the person of Jesus.
‘Oh can’t you see what love has done, what it’s doing to me’ (U2 - Window in the Skies)
March 16th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Heather sez:
“It’s interesting that the response to this, in general, is never “Jesus lived for me.” Because yes, Jesus was cruicified, which was a horrible death. BUt that’s not the end of the story. The end of the story is that God resurrected him, and Jesus ascended — as in, God had the last word, and the last word is life, not death. After all, Paul says you know you are saved when you believe in your heart that Jesus resurrected, and publicly confess that Jesus is Lord. It was more important to believe in the resurrection then focus on the death. ”
Heather, you have a great point here, and I think you are correct. But I think people claim to love Jesus more because of his death because that is an expression of the suffering he has done for us. The stations in the catholic church all focus on the passion and death. The resurrection is the basis of our faith just like Paul said, but perhaps it is not as dramatic a story for us mortals, and does not have quite the impact. Hey, that is just a guess on my part, but it makes some sense.
Heather continues:
“I actually do find the means of afterlife ambiguous based on the Bible.”
Oh yeah, you are absolutely correct about that. One thing that I have been interested in lately is how the concept of afterlife evolves as the Bible is written. I think I was just getting tired and sloppy when I wrote that part
*******************
Jim Jordan sez:
“The more we focus on ourselves, the more corrupted and confused we become. The more we focus on Him, the more we become like Him.”
Jim, you are right in that is the Biblical answer to my dilemma. But that is what I did for years, and the confusion continued. Focusing on him despite my doubts meant not addressing my doubts at all, just for of closing my eyes and hoping it all would go away, and for years it was an intellectual and personality stranglehold. I felt like I could not even by myself, because myself had to decrease while Christ increased. I have to pull away from Christ, at least our Biblical conception of Christ, just for a while and address my doubts from a different perspective. That is why I disbanded our home Bible Study and am now asking these questions in this blogsite. Sort of a way to organize my thoughts and make some sense of my beliefs (or unbeliefs).
*********************
and finally SocietyVs:
“For me that experience ’so many years ago now’ has changed my perspective on life 100% - I now love because I can. I guess if I had to answer why I love God it is because God loved me prior to me loving Him.”
You know, I can relate to this, I really can. What I have learned from my faith is a bit of humility, and my very small place in this world. Christianity has taught me to love, or at least be compassionate to, people in a very real and genuine way. I think my feelings towards God are not so much love, as they are gratitude. I do pray often with my wife, and most of my prayers focus on thankfulness. We have both been truly blessed in this life, and I am not talking about material blessings. We have a wonderful life together, and I feel that with a sense of humility God, whoever God is, deserves a bit of the credit for that. I can relate to a lot of the Native American nature religions in that way, where a portion of the labor is always given back to the Earth as a sign of gratitude and sacrifice.
But love? No.
March 18th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Heather, are you one person? Because the same Heather that wrote this…
In response to my post, But … who else can he focus on if he’s asking why he loves Jesus? He’s questioning his motivation of loving Jesus, and what the motivation of most people is. Do we love Jesus simply because, or because we see Jesus as a ‘get out of hell free’ card? Bringing the focus back to Jesus isn’t going to answer if his love for Jesus is “pure.”
Also wrote this..
**Why do I love Jesus? I have grappled with that question for years. The answer is because he died for me, and because he saved my soul from eternal death.** It’s interesting that the response to this, in general, is never “Jesus lived for me.” Because yes, Jesus was cruicified, which was a horrible death. BUt that’s not the end of the story. The end of the story is that God resurrected him, and Jesus ascended — as in, God had the last word, and the last word is life, not death. After all, Paul says you know you are saved when you believe in your heart that Jesus resurrected, and publicly confess that Jesus is Lord. It was more important to believe in the resurrection then focus on the death.
The obvious answer is “I love Jesus because Jesus rocks!” If we go on pandering to our own insecurity asking ourselves “how can I know my love for Jesus is pure?” we go nowhere. Of course, OUR love for Jesus is NOT pure because WE are not pure!
Therefore, I’m with Heather A and agianst Heather B.
God bless
March 18th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Heissailing said I felt like I could not even be myself, because myself had to decrease while Christ increased.
Well there’s your problem, isn’t it?
Get over yourself.
Decrease, and let Christ increase.
Now, restart that bible study already.
March 18th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Jim Jordoan sez:
“The obvious answer is “I love Jesus because Jesus rocks!” If we go on pandering to our own insecurity asking ourselves “how can I know my love for Jesus is pure?” we go nowhere. Of course, OUR love for Jesus is NOT pure because WE are not pure!”
Jim, if the best reason for loving Jesus is because he rocks, then I am afraid Christianity is just completly empty. Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King Jr, Albert Schweitzer, Robert Frost and Sammy Hagar all “rock” in one way or another. I sure don’t love them though.
Consider this, Jim. I am not talking about whether my love for God is pure or impure love - I am talking about whether my Love for Jesus CHrist even exists at all. Dare I say, I wonder if anyone that is sane has a love and devotion for Jesus in a greater way then they have a love and devotion for their own family (Luke 14:26). Is such a thing even possible?
Jim, the Bible says that God is commanding you and me to love him (Deut 10:12, Matt 22:37, Mark 12:30, Luke 10:27). I cannot love on command. If I think I love God on command, I am no better than one of Pavlov’s dogs, reacting in anticipation of a Scooby Snack. Again, the Bible says that God’s greatest commandment is for you to love him. Do you love on command?
March 18th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
Perhaps you should rename your site “He Is Sinking”.
If “God is love” is true, then how can you have your own love for God at all? Don’t you get it that we are zero? At its best, your love for Him is merely you giving back to Him the love He first gave you. You can’t have love for God that is not God, could you?
Christianity is not empty. We are!
You are demoting God out of boredom.
March 19th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Hi, Jim.
I am one person.
The death/life response was my reaction to Christianty’s focus on Jesus’s death, which I find interesting, given how much Paul and the other letters emphasize the resurrection, and how without the resurrection, there’s no point to faith. I’ve read many books by people sometimes disturbed by sermons that rush through the Gospels to get to crucifixion. That dismisses a lot of what Jesus teaches, and how he used his life. The sermons come across as, “He DIED for you!! A horrible, God-forsaken death!!” Pause. “Oh, yeah, and he rose three days later. Because he DIED!!!”
I’m not detracting from Jesus’s death, and I’m not mocking it. But the Gospels and the epistles are filled with such joy of God-given *life.* And I don’t often see that in conservative Christianity, with the focus on death. Especially since death is supposed to be the last enemy that Christ defeats.
But Heissailing is asking an excellent question: is he loving Jesus out of fear of hell, or loving Jesus the way he would a parent/child/friend? If the movitation for that love is the ‘get out of hell free’ aspect, then what does that say about the love? And that should be a serious question, because the ‘fear of hell’ means one loves God because someone gets something out of it. Which means you can act in a loving fashion while hating someone in your heart — in which case, you’re still in trouble, as Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount with those who are murderers who hate a brother, and adulterers simply through lusting.
**Don’t you get it that we are zero? At its best, your love for Him is merely you giving back to Him the love He first gave you** I would find this untrue. If we’re made in God’s image and likeness, and we’re fearfully and wonderfully made, then there has to be something about us that resembles God. Part of that image/likeness would be the ability to love. Are we sometimes trapped by sin? Yes. But if sin is the only part of who we are, then what exactly is Christ rescuing? I see it as Christ restoring us to our original created purpose. Christ shows us the love that was already in us.
March 19th, 2007 at 10:48 am
“Dare I say, I wonder if anyone that is sane has a love and devotion for Jesus in a greater way then they have a love and devotion for their own family (Luke 14:26). Is such a thing even possible?” (HeisSailing)
I find Luke 14:26 a very interesting scripture which I dissected on my site a few blogs ago. That passage is all about ’sacrifice’ and the highest one we can give - which seems to be our very life (thus the cross idea expressed in the same context). But it is obvious that love or devotion to God can can be greater than our love for ourselves (and surrounding world - which includes family, home, possessions, and friends). I mean if we consider context in it’s fullest form that passage was written to a persecuted bunch of early Christians - who in essence died for their right to follow Christ - so I would say some ’sane’ people did this (ex: Peter, James, and Paul - all founders we respect in this faith).
I also wrote an even earlier blog on the idea of what we live for at the same time we are dying for (in the truest regard). I use examples like the drug addict - who do more dying than living - but by choice they ‘live’ for a drug that eats them up - the same is also their demise. I would say for Christians who dedicate their lives to God - who do this for the edification and building up of their lives - choose to live for something they find ‘great value’ in - but in the same sense they are being judged by others on this basis - which might cause their demise since some exterior judges might not like their views (ex: extremist Muslims in Sudan).
“Again, the Bible says that God’s greatest commandment is for you to love him. Do you love on command?” (HeisSailing)
Love is the command - or the ‘basis of the living’ Jesus is asking of us (a sort of platform to build upon and is the final mandate in all situations). I have never read Jesus like this was a ‘demand’ but a ‘paradigm’ God wants us to abide by - in essence - as John would say ‘God is love’.
What’s also worth mentioning is in the Luke passage Jesus is talking to a ‘lawyer’ (who reads the Law). In Matthew Jesus is speaking to a Pharisee and Sadducee crowd. In Mark the crowd again is Pharisee’s, Herodians, and scribes. Jesus also calls it a ‘commandment’…speaking the language of the hearers in the crowd (who oddly enough were overly zealous for aspects of judgment in the law and not mercy). I think Jesus is framing the law in a new light - love.
March 19th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I have found this question and the multiple answers to be most interesting. What about the question of what is love? In my marriage, I view love as a decision. Sometimes the feelings go with it, but when I show love the most, is when I don’t feel those feelings. I sacrifice what I want to do because I promised to love my husband. (of course this is give and take, and a poor example, at best, of the love between creator and created being). In 1John, love is contrasted with sin so that I can conclude that sin is the opposite of love. To show love, I must sacrifice self. That does not mean losing myself, but sacrificing something that would cater to my “self”. Sin, then, is catering to self. These thoughts are far from completely thought out, but they are what came to me as I read your post and the comments. Keep searching. Finding God is not a destination, but a journey.
March 19th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
joeyanne sez:
“What about the question of what is love? In my marriage, I view love as a decision. Sometimes the feelings go with it, but when I show love the most, is when I don’t feel those feelings. I sacrifice what I want to do because I promised to love my husband. In 1John, love is contrasted with sin so that I can conclude that sin is the opposite of love.”
Hello joeyanne - welcome! I just rushed through 1 John (it is short) and came upon two things that make sense in keeping with what you said
But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him. - 2:5
And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment. - 3:23
When I was single, I heard my pastor go on about how love is not a feeling it is a decision. That was easy to nod my head in agreement with when I was single! Now that I am married, while I agree it is not primarily a feeling, it is a decision also, but there is more to it than that - again I am not a poet but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is right now. But along with love DO come feelings, that I frankly DONT WANT to feel with God. But I guess in that sense, yes I feel a tremendous commitment to my wife and family here.
In that context, loving God makes much more sense - I have not fully thought it out either, but it makes much more sense than it did yesterday. Committment - yes, that really clarifies it.
I think maybe the problem may lie with this - I recently went through a Bible Study workbook series that was along the same lines of Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life Series. In it, I get the feeling that we are to have this wierd gushy intimate relationship with Jesus that is equated with love, and that is something I just cannot relate to. That God smiled at me when I was born and .. God loves me this (outstretched arms) much and God is crazy about me and… BLEEECH!!! When I think of God I think of Holiness. His ineffable nature. Transcendance. Isaiah proclaiming ‘woe is me, I am undone!” while in God’s presence. I can understand a God like that, and I can commit to that.
To think that I used to clutch a Bible to my chest and whisper my affections to Jesus, because our church said that is what he wanted! gag!
We spent about 4 months going through a Purpose Driven style workbook and I think some of that mentality just stuck with me. I think you are onto something joeyanne. Commitment makes sense to me. A modern, emotional conception of LOVE does not. Thanks for the revelation.
March 19th, 2007 at 6:29 pm
**In 1John, love is contrasted with sin so that I can conclude that sin is the opposite of love. To show love, I must sacrifice self. That does not mean losing myself, but sacrificing something that would cater to my “self”. **
Agreed. I’m paraphrasing here, but “Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his friends.” Self-sacrifice is the highest type of love.
I think it’s more of sacrificing the old self in favor of the new self, though. Paul has a mention of how his old nature was crucified along with Christ (I want to say it’s in Galatians). So I think that type of love demands that one be willing to sacrifice the sin-self lead by the carnal mind in favor of man originally made in God’s image and likeness.
March 19th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Yes Heather, Galations 5:24 speaks of Christ’s own crucifying the flesh. If you want to get really picky I think the Greek literally means flesh which is KJV, while the NIV translates that as nature - and those are two totally different things with different meanings in terms of the Gnosticism that was floating around in those days.
But that is a whole nother kettle of fish that I will have to save for another day!
March 19th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
**nother kettle of fish**
I love that you said “nother”. I say nother, only I think I say it “nether”. It is a great word.
March 20th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Go to http://www.choosejesusrightnow.com & click on BUMPER STICKERS.
March 21st, 2007 at 8:57 am
Humans have a tendency toward love. Something in us makes us want to love, just as something in us makes us want to eat. The questions here seem to be two: what makes us love, and what is a legitimate reason for loving God.
Two situations can kindle love, and both usually work at the same time. We can begin loving someone because they make us feel good, and we can begin loving them simply because we’re in their presence a lot (C.S. Lewis called this second kind of love by its Greek name storge).
Making us feel good can take many forms. With a spouse, it often begins by seeing someone good looking and feeling good about what we see. Then, we feel good about getting attention from that person, and eventually we feel good about having our sexual needs gratified with that person. Now, eventually, love of one’s spouse may grow into a pure form: a man loves his wife without any consideration of what she does for him. That’s certainly a high form of love, what you call unconditional. But it never starts that way. We begin loving for what we can get: the look of a pretty face, attention, affection. Even if it does grow into “unconditional” love, it rests on a bed of gratitude for what the loved person has given the lover. A similar situation exists for love of one’s mother. As he matures, a person may love his mother unconditionally, but as a baby he loved her because she fed him and comforted him and kept him dry and safe. Again, unconditional love arises from conditional or gratitude love.
The second situation that kindles love is proximity. Human beings are designed to love those we are in close contact with. This tendency is especially strong with young children, who for survival’s sake need to bond with those taking care of them. Of course, this familiarity love goes hand in hand with gratitude love. But it can also exist on its own. That’s why we can love those we really don’t like, such as an abusive father, especially if we were close to them early in life.
Most human beings experience conditional love in some combination of these two forms: gratitude love and proximity love. Many or perhaps most human beings never grow beyond these stages to mature, unconditional love.
Loving God is the same way. As babes in Christ, we love God with conditional, gratitude love for what he’s done for us. If we learn to come in contact with him through worship, prayer, and the Scriptures, then we may come to love him with proximity love. Perhaps we will never grow that far in this life. But in any case, there’s nothing wrong with loving God for what he’s done for us.
March 21st, 2007 at 9:37 am
Whoops. That last paragraph should read:
Loving God is the same way. As babes in Christ, we love God with conditional, gratitude love for what he’s done for us. If we learn to come in contact with him through worship, prayer, and the Scriptures, then we may come to love him with proximity love. Eventually, we may learn to love God with pure, unconditional love. Perhaps we will never grow that far in this life. But in any case, there’s nothing wrong with loving God for what he’s done for us.
March 21st, 2007 at 11:34 am
I agree. If I never get to the “loving God unconditionally” part, I, at least, would like my love for Him to be mostly the proximity kind. Who better to be close to than my Creator? I also believe that our love for someone grows when we learn more about them. I endeavor to learn more and more and more about Christ, so that my love for Him grows and changes based on my knowledge of who He is. I’m not just talking about head-knowledge, but experience/heart-knowledge. God wants us to turn to Him first when we are happy/sad/confused/frustrated…not because we “think we ought to” (church rules), but out of habit and because He is the One we are most comfortable with; the One we have shared our life with, and our hopes, fears, and joys. This is the kind of proximity love I would like to have for God. A love that is borne out of spending lots and lots of time together. Time being honest and real, not just saying what I have been taught should be said, but communicating from my heart/soul.
October 19th, 2007 at 2:59 am
Family Christian Bookstore…
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting…
October 24th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Jessie…
That girl looks hot enough for me…
November 6th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
World Religion Resources…
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting…